Explaining Your Relationship Pitfalls

Looking back on your dating relationships, can you identify any patterns? Do you feel like you have been burned over and over again and have sworn off dating for good, only to find your self obsessing over texts, Instagram images, Facebook posts and what they all mean about how your would-be-partner(s) feel(s) about you? Alternately, do you feel annoyed that your partners seems to relentlessly impinge upon your independence, are too clingy, or seem to trap you into a long-term relationship when you aren’t ready or aren’t even into that?

If any of these scenarios explain your dating history, you may be interested in learning more about your personal attachment style. In childhood we develop a style of connecting with our care providers that tends to carry on into adult life. This attachment style can affect our emotional development and the way we interact with people. If you are interested in learning about your attachment style (whether it is Secure, Anxious, or Avoidant) take this survey. After you have identified your attachment style, I would be happy to discuss with you how this all may affect your dating life or relationships in general.

TAKE THE TEST

Adapted from psychologytoday.com

Anxiety Medication or Music?

Screen Shot 2019-08-14 at 11.01.14 AM.pngWe live in a dynamic, complicated, stressing world as you undoubtedly well know. Managing work, family, friends, traffic and a myriad of other stimuli every day can leave you frazzled. You may also be aware of different approaches to managing anxiety. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), anxiety medication, yoga, and meditation can all help people learn to decrease the day-to day stress they experience. Many of us resort to other options like video streaming, listening to classical music, or substances like alcohol to “numb out” or distract ourselves. However, you may be surprised to learn that one song in particular has been clinically tested and shown to reduce anxiety significantly. According to researcher David Lewis-Hodgson of Mindlab International, listening to the band Macroni Union’s son “Weightless” can reduce overall anxiety by 65%.
 

Long summer days can become jam-packed, making it harder to “come down” and relax when we would ideally be falling off to sleep. As someone who has experienced insomnia in the past, this song has made it into my nightly routine along with other good sleep hygiene approaches. As infants our parents often create a nightly routine to help us sleep, including warm milk, a bath, a book, and maybe a song. As adults, we still need to signal to our bodies that it is time to sleep. This includes a night time routine that takes between 30 and 60 minutes before you will ideally be asleep. I’d be happy to speak to you more about this if you are interested. For now, I recommend checking out the lullaby for adults, “Weightless.

Published on July 19, 2019 on Linkedin

Self-Esteem and Women

Self-doubt, insecurity, moments of low self-esteem…whether we admit it or not, we have all experienced these to some degree. Popular culture often portrays women and men as having different levels of security. Is this an accurate observation?  If not, why are women perceived as less secure than men? What is self-esteem really? How can we change it?

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is a person’s evaluation of his or her own value.  Whether this is an assessment of our value in specific areas or overall, self-esteem is at times how we feel about ourselves (Leary & Baumeister, 2000). Studies suggest that self-esteem increases during adolescence and young adulthood, peaking around retirement age and declining thereafter (Yasemin Erol & Orth, 2011; Orth, Trzesniewski, & Robins, 2010).

Why the gender difference?

So who has worse self-esteem, men or women? The results are mixed. One study showed that women had lower self-esteem than did men in young adulthood. However, with age, men and women showed equal levels of self-esteem. This difference may be explained by women having less health, financial success, and social status (Orth, Trzesniewski, & Robins, 2010).

Psychologists have found evidence that constantly sexualized images of girls and young women in advertising and the media are harmful to girls’ health and development. Sexualization has negative effects on other aspects of life as well, including thinking ability, sexuality, even beliefs. In fact, the over sexualization of women has been linked with mental health problems such as depressed mood, and yes, low self-esteem (Durkin & Paxton, 2002; Hofschire & Greenberg, 2001).

Can we build self-esteem?

Psychologists have made a connection between high self-esteem with states of emotional stability, extraversion, conscientiousness, and healthiness (Yasemin Erol & Orth, 2011). So, if you feel emotionally overwhelmed, if may be helpful to seek the support of a trusted family member, friend, spiritual leader, or an experienced psychotherapist.  You may find it beneficial to become part of a local community. For example, a simple Internet search could help you connect with an interest group (ex: meetup.com) in your neighborhood. Participating in an ongoing social group can help us feel that we belong to something and can improve our moods.

Regarding physical health, aerobic activity, and nutrient-rich foods can increase energy and also improve mood. Researching ways to improve your health (ex: consulting your physician) and actually following through with some simple steps can help improve mood and build upon your sense of accomplishment.

Creating other realistic goals and challenge yourself can also build self-esteem. For example, choose a goal (perhaps something you have been putting off) and break it down into simple steps on a list.  Once your cross off your achievements, celebrate them!

Try to recognize the needs of those around.  Do something nice for another person. This could mean joining a local charity, or providing pro-bono services in your community.

Decreased economic and social status has been linked to declines in self-esteem as women age (Orth, Trzesniewski, & Robins, 2010). However, psychologists have connected more education with higher self-esteem (Orth, Trzesniewski, & Robins, 2010). Why is this relevant? Consider that higher education can lead to increased income and with that greater social status. So, if you have considered beginning or returning to an academic program, it is possible that this long-term step could result in improved socioeconomic status and could potentially contribute to higher self-esteem.

Finally, recognize that your value is inherent and is generated from your many varied characteristics, not only from your sexual appeal as a woman. If you keep in mind that you are a person with the capacity for independent action and decision-making, you may be on your way to improved self-esteem (APA, 2010).

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¿Cómo Elegir un Psicólogo?

Los psicólogos clínicos licenciados se especializan en el tratamiento psicológico. Ellos son profesionales altamente capacitados con experiencia en diversas áreas de la conducta humana y el cambio de comportamiento. Estos proveedores de atención a la salud mental, trabajan con los pacientes para cambiar sus sentimientos y actitudes y ayudarlos a desarrollar pautas más saludables y eficaces de la conducta. La psicoterapia proporciona un ambiente de apoyo para hablar abiertamente y de manera confidencial acerca de las preocupaciones y sentimientos.  Adaptado de apa.org / helpcenter

La elección de un profesional de la salud mental puede ser una tarea difícil y, a veces, un proceso que nos desanima. Por lo tanto, para que usted pueda encontrar el proveedor adecuado, es importante que entienda cómo un psicoterapeuta puede ser diferente del resto.

Mi sitio web describe cómo trabajo y los diferentes tipos de servicios psicológicos que ofrezco. Mi objetivo es que usted sea capaz de decidir si yo podría ser, o no ser,  la psicoterapeuta correcta para usted. Si después de revisar estas páginas, usted encuentra que desea hacer una consulta inicial, o necesita ayuda para encontrar un psicólogo o psicoterapeuta distinto en la ciudad de México, por favor póngase en contacto conmigo.

Tengo experiencia trabajando con adultos y adolescentes que necesitan ayuda con diferentes preocupaciones como las siguientes:

  • Depresión
  • Ansiedad
  • Problemas de Pareja
  • Problemas Familiares
  • Adaptación Cultural
  • Discriminación
  • Recuerdos Traumáticos
  • Alcoholismo y Adicción a las Drogas

Si desea crear una consulta telefónica inicial gratuita de 15 minutos, puede enviar un correo electrónico con su información de contacto a doctor@elizabethwillems.com o llame al +52.55.3687.7141.

Choosing a Mental Health Care Provider

Licensed clinical psychologists specialize in psychological treatment. They are highly trained professionals with expertise in the areas of human behavior and behavior change. These mental health care providers work with patients to change their feelings and attitudes and help them develop healthier, more effective patterns of behavior. Psychotherapy provides a supportive environment to talk openly and confidentially about concerns and feelings.  Adapted from apa.org/helpcenter Choosing a mental healthcare provider can be a difficult, and at times, daunting process. Therefore, in order for you to find the provider that is right for you, it is important that you understand how one psychotherapist may differ from the rest. My website describes how I work and the different types of psychological services I offer.  My hope is that you will be able to decide whether or not I might be the right psychotherapist for you.  After reviewing my webpage, if you find that you would like to set up an initial consultation, or even if you need help finding a different type of psychologist or psychotherapist in Mexico City, please contact me. I have experience working with adults and adolescents who need help with varying concerns such as the following:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Relationship Problems
  • Family Problems
  • Cultural Adaptation
  • Discrimination
  • Traumatic Memories
  • Alcoholism & Drug Addiction

If you would like to set up a free 15-minute initial phone consultation, you can contact me by sending an email to doctor@elizabethwillems.com or by calling 55.55.3687.7141.